Monday afternoon I got back from an epic weekend spent in Las Vegas. It was one of the most fun trips I’ve ever been on and I learned that I can function on a very small amount of sleep for many days, but when that happens I get weepy at everything and it takes like a whole week for my body to recover. During our first night in Vegas, Beth and I stopped into a Walgreen’s on the way back from dinner at the Bellagio buffet where “the kids” drank about a million margaritas because we had to take advantage of that $12 unlimited alcohol add-on, so she could buy bandaids. We also decided that it would be a wonderful idea to buy a 5th of blueberry vodka and a disposable camera to document the weekend. Half of these pictures are from that camera, the rest are from my iPhone. This is what happened:
DAY ONE:
After going to bed at approximately midnight the night before, we woke up early to be out the door by 5am. I swooped up Beth and we headed to PDX to prefunk our 8:30am flight like champs. My parents don’t drink (anymore) and this was my mom’s first ever flight (and my dad’s second ever flight, but the first one he’d been on in over 40 years), so she took some anxiety medicine to cope with her fear. My mom, dad, brother, Beth, Jered, and my mom’s two nurse friends from her work were all on the flight. So was this total douchy bro who was shouting SO loud about how he “knows people” etc. I hated him a lot. Everyone did. Flight was smooth, we landed alive, hooray! The Guerrero clan (Karen, Joe, Andy, Brooke and Kory) were waiting for us at our hotel. I had already convinced them that we needed to have In-N-Out burger for lunch and they agreed to drive me there to get burgers and fries for everyone in their rental car. They are the best. So is In-N-Out. Build one in the PWN already, please!!

After lunch we all wandered to a few other hotels and gambled and Beth won $100 playing video roulette for the first time ever at New York, New York!

It took us a million years to be able to check into our hotel rooms, but when we did Beth and I headed up to the room we were sharing with Brother Jim and Jered – worst or best idea ever??? maybe somewhere in the middle – to get ready for dinner. We waited another million hours in line for the Bellagio Buffet because it was my dad’s birthday and the Bellagio buffet has sushi and when it’s dad’s birthday we do what dad wants to do! The 4 “kids” at dinner (there were kids (me, Beth, Jim, Jered, Andy, Kory and Brooke), and there were adults/parents (mom, dad, Joe, Karen, Judy and Pam)) opted to pay the additional $12 for unlimited drinks and we devoured about a million margaritas at dinner because we had the best server ever.
We stopped to watch the water show at the Bellagio fountain on our walk back. We also stopped so Jim could give some of his drink to a street accordion player. We stopped again so that we could go into Walgreens and then have the temporary tattoo man take our picture with our disposable camera and take a chug out of our blueberry vodka 5th – but for whatever reason those two photos did not get returned to me when I picked up my film, WTF?! When we finally made it back to our room we drank vodka and took voke tabs and jumped on the beds had a dance party to rap music (“can you guys play anything but rap music?!?”) before heading downstairs to win a MILLION DOLLARS on the roulette table (I wishhhh).

Because Jered put $100 down on the routlette table before we could make it out of the casino we gambled there all night. Literally. It was 5am before Beth and I went to bed. The rest of the group even came to meet us and at one point all the “kids” were around one table drinking free vodka redbulls (the waitress kept bringing a million rounds) winning all the dollars and it was so much fun. I came out of that night $200 richer. #KILLINGIT!
DAY TWO:
I woke up at 8am after only 3 hours of sleep, my heart was racing/pounding, Jim and Jered weren’t in the room, I needed to put food in my mouth, so I got up and found Jim and Jered downstairs, still gambling. I fed us all Starbucks breakfast sandwiches, chatted with my parents, then headed to the pool.
We rented a cabana/gratto thing at the pool and it was the best idea. There were couches and a TV and a fridge and bottled water and fruit and a waitress and most importantly, shade! The whole clan hung out by the pool all day drinking and eating and taking ridiculous pictures and it was so much fun! Joe’s niece who lives in LV even showed up with her two baby girls and we swam with them which was a blast.

In case you’re wondering, I wore a metallic bronze/orange one piece from American Apparel and I had to wear pasties under it that you could CLEARLY see so I felt the need to announce it to everyone, even the “dads” sooo sorry dad and Joe, “everyone has nipples!”
When we’d had enough of the pool Beth, my parents and I headed to Todai (my dad’s FAVORITE place ever, but they closed all the north west locations, so he was super stoked to get to go to one in Vegas) for all you can eat sushi! I got really upset when talking about Ebola and the US man who got it trying to carry a pregnant woman to the hospital – only to be turned away! Weepy incident #1.
After dinner Beth and I headed to Old Town to meet the rest of the crew. When we got there everyone else was just walking into dinner #annoyed, so we decided to make our own fun. We got these large mixed drinks with sexual names from Whiskey Licker Bar that said “Liquor in the front… Poker in the back” on the cups, and we saw this upstairs balcony bar we decided we NEEDED to be on.

So obvi, we marched ourselves inside, walked up to the man in a polo guarding the elevator and told him “we want to be on the balcony, how do we get up there?” and so he took us up. And walked us back. And then stayed on the balcony chatting with us. It took about 10 minutes before we realized he didn’t work there, he was just a random man standing by the elevator LOLZ! His name was Jay but after he left we nicknamed him “black Doug” from the Hangover because (a) they looked surprisingly similar, and (b) Jay asked us if we had any ecstasy. No.
When the rest of the group got out of dinner we met them, said goodbye to 1/2 of them and the rest of us went out to explore Fremont Street.
Andy and Kory zip lined while we ran into THE DOUCHE FROM THE PLANE! OMG! I made sure to shout “OMG it’s the douche from the plane!!” which his friends heard and we all had a good LOL over how drunk and douchy he was (obvi he does not remember). And we all chatted for a while.
Beth also got Rebeka “tattooed” on her leg in sharpie by a topless 19 year old who has a 4 month old baby named Clyde who we found on the street. Obvi we told her she is heading in the wrong direction and is too young to be living that vegas life and then we gave her some dollars and some pulls of blueberry vodka from my purse flask.

Then we got in a fight with Jim and Jered and stormed away to meet Kory and Andy after their ZipLine adventure.
Andy and Kory made us get in a cab to head back to the strip. We shouted EWWWWWW all the way there and then when the cab driver took us to the Tropicana we told him “THE TROPICANA IS EW! TAKE US TO THE BELLAGIO!” and so he did. We immediately drank mind erasers at the bar and then walked around and then Kory decided we needed to go back to the Tropicana because we were OOC.
^^EW selfies^^
Back at the Tropicana we fought more with Jim and Jered and Beth apparently dived head first for them and I cried in the bathroom then we and stole all the boys’ dollars and their chips. I gave back their chips but Beth forgot that she stole Jim’s dollars and in the morning he tore the hotel room apart looking for his $108 to no avail. Tuesday night I got a call from Beth telling me that she found Jim’s money waded up in the bottom of her purse LOL #shame
Then I went downstairs and drank with Kory and Andy until 4am.
DAY THREE:
I woke up at 8am and packed up my shit and we looked for Jim’s money and Jered (who didn’t ever make it back to the hotel) and checked out. But on my way to check out of our rooms I found Jered at the Roulette table, down $1200 and he asked me for a number. I told him 12. He bet 5 dollars and won $600. You’re welcome Jered. At the airport I ate orange chicken for breakfast and shoved eggrolls in my purse for later. I almost vommed on the flight which was terrible in my mind and it made me want to cry, but I didn’t vom, and then when we landed (all 13 of us on the same flight) I drove from Portland back to Seattle and it was over. But it was one of the most fun weekends of my life and probably I’ll have a lot more funny stories for you later because some weird, funny shit happened that weekend and it deserves to be told.
When can we go back?!