re-do

This morning I did it again, hopefully for the last time ever, but it's out of my hands at this point and all I'm left with is a fading anxious feeling.

I completely blocked so much of the summer bar exam out of my mind that when I got to Tacoma early this morning I suddenly had a flood of emotions and anxiety and memories that weren't there before. It's confusing to me how I block things out. Maybe if I would have remembered all of the fear and anxiety and awfulness I would have started studying earlier than I did this time around. Maybe not though.

I got to the convention center early, not feeling particularly ethical, found a corner and huddled up on the floor clutching my paper cup of black coffee and re-reading my professional responsibility outline for the 100th time until it was time to go in to take the test.

When I finally went into the room I forgot about the awful proctor, and the exam passwords, and the anxiety and fear, and the thirst, and how long the whole thing feels when you're in the middle of it and you just want to be done. But this time instead of rushing through, only looking for the finish, I took my time and I typed and made notes and thought about my answers until there were only 2 minutes to go. I'm not sure how I did (because clearly, it's hard to gauge these things) but it's over. And that feels good.

The most random things filled with my favorite people

Well it’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I just haven’t had much motivation with work (which has been so, so amazing) and a million appointments all the time and studying for PR and dreaming of warm places (Fiji maybe?!) and spending more time than usual with my most very favorite people #happyheart.

I was able to make it back to Hood River two weekends in a row recently (one of which was super spontaneous). Those trips were filled with so much goodness. I missed it there. And, AND guys, I get to go back again for Beth’s birthday (at which point I will have re-taken that darn ethic’s portion of the bar and hopefully be done with that for good). I reallyyyy can’t wait. Friend time is the best time.

So, because I should be studying right now (I’m getting more coffee smell even more saturated into my hair by the minute sitting here in Zoka, so I guess I should spend my time here more wisely), and because I’m still feeling a little bit of a loss of things to write about on the internet (so many thoughts, so little I’d like to share (weird)) here are some poor quality iPhone pictures of good quality people for you:

Marissa and I at Henni’s for dinner while in White Salmon during one of my trips (p.s. that place is seriously amazing):

Josh and I later that evening – REUNITED AT LAST:

Josh and Marissa (matching hoodies, ain’t no thang):

Dave and his overalls, me delirious from spontaneously driving 5 hours and arriving at a house party in Hood River at 11pm (good choices), and Beth who later regretted this picture – sorry for posting it on the internet… and instagram -  oh, and someone’s hand holding a chip photo-bombing/starring:

Lisa and I getting some Friday afternoon happy hour while I should have been studying for the bar. No worries, we spent the whole next day camped out at Zoka: 

My favorite Uncle and I at his surprise 70th birthday party (which I loved so much, best day):

And don’t worry, I also cut my NASTY LONG hair (seen above) and then to celebrate, Marissa and I took some double selfie shots and then ate tacos…

Oh, and in the midst of all of that Valentine’s day happened, for which Dustin got me a wine aerator, and for which I ate guacamole and my heart was happy:

Friends>Internet.