re-do

This morning I did it again, hopefully for the last time ever, but it's out of my hands at this point and all I'm left with is a fading anxious feeling.

I completely blocked so much of the summer bar exam out of my mind that when I got to Tacoma early this morning I suddenly had a flood of emotions and anxiety and memories that weren't there before. It's confusing to me how I block things out. Maybe if I would have remembered all of the fear and anxiety and awfulness I would have started studying earlier than I did this time around. Maybe not though.

I got to the convention center early, not feeling particularly ethical, found a corner and huddled up on the floor clutching my paper cup of black coffee and re-reading my professional responsibility outline for the 100th time until it was time to go in to take the test.

When I finally went into the room I forgot about the awful proctor, and the exam passwords, and the anxiety and fear, and the thirst, and how long the whole thing feels when you're in the middle of it and you just want to be done. But this time instead of rushing through, only looking for the finish, I took my time and I typed and made notes and thought about my answers until there were only 2 minutes to go. I'm not sure how I did (because clearly, it's hard to gauge these things) but it's over. And that feels good.

last day of work snacks

It’s my last day of work and I have snacks breakfast (thanks office lovelies)!

Yep, a maple bar and chocolate milk. Plus some coffee from the office coffee bar, and boy, I can promise you I will not miss the coffee here.

It’s a good thing the people in my office decided to feed my breakfast, since apparently on my last day of work I can’t even pull my life together enough to show up (a) on time for work – I was 30 mins late, or (b) eat breakfast before I get here.

Whatever, judge away. I don’t care. You know why? Because it’s my last day! Hooray!