messy life

Yesterday Dustin and I went to Ikea (on a Sunday? what were we thinking? I know, I know. But we made it out alive, don’t you worry). And I found the most beautiful white desk. It was so pretty. It was like a brushed, textured, almost matte, almost off white (not shiny white white). And it was so good. I can’t stop thinking about what it would do for my life. 

My current desk area is stressing me out pretty seriously today. And most days. It needs a re-do. It’s ugly. I’m over it (story of my life).

WTF is that? REALLY? There is NO free room on it.

Oh, but guys, this morning I got home to find that my Indian people sent me a laptop in the mail (it’s right there on the right). Finally. After being in upper education for 7 years I finally got my student laptop. But really, it was an AWESOME surprise. The best mail I’ve got in a long while. I was pretty stoked despite the fact it seems to be running pretty slowly and doesn’t have the office suit on it. But it’s a free computer so I’m not going to complain. THANKS INDIANZ!

Anyway, today my life is seeming so overwhelmed that I don’t even know where to start. I have so much to do I’m not really doing anything. But after a really busy and long day at work (preceded by school) I did buy some wedding registery gifts. #FTW. And I figured out how to get all my iTunes music from one computer to the other. It only took me about an hour. MAN!

Now I think I need to go to bed. And sleep. And then when I wake up I WILL have in my mind what I want to make for V-day dinner. I WILL DO IT! And then I will go and I will get the food. And I will take it home. Then I will go to school. And all the while, I will look forward to some Feb 14th  kisses from my sweet sweet most favorite boy. True story.

Dear Wells Fargo, You Suck!

I’m mad at Wells Fargo. Why? You ask. Well, let me tell you.

Yesterday I went into the bank to try and deposit my financial aid check (you know, so I could like, live and buy books and things, crazy me) and the teller told me that if I wanted my money to be available today (AKA Friday) I should go outside to the ATM and deposit my check that way, because the ATM had a later deposit cut off time than they have when you deposit money inside (meaning my money would be available the next day instead of the day after that). I was like, sweet, thanks bank teller! So I went outside, deposited my check and then it spit this receipt out at me saying that NONE OF MY MONIES would be available until January 24th because my financial aid check (FROM THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT) was “high risk”". WTF? The 24th is like TWELVE DAYS FROM NOW! Are you KIDDING?

So in my rage/confusion, I went inside and they were like “there is nothing we can do” and then they gave me some 800 number so I sat in the middle of their bank and I called someone far away on my cell phone, and they were like, there is nothing we can do. I have a hard time believing there is NOTHING anyone could have done. Then the bank manager was like, call me tomorrow and I’ll try one last thing. And I was like I NEED TO BUY MY BOOKS, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I’m in mothereffing law school. You are ruining my education and my life. And P.S. did you not hear the part where I told you that THE BANK TELLER TOLD ME TO DO THIS!? WHAT THE HECK?!

Then I walked outside and burst into tears. The really ugly, loud, panic attack type tears. I was SO mad. Then I proceeded to drive home, which was probably extremely unsafe considering I was having a panic attack/uncontrollably sobbing. Don’t judge me.

When I got home, I complained to my roommate. And I also text message complained to Dustin. And then pulled it together enough to go eat a chicken burger with my friends on Capitol Hill, and then when I came home after that, my eyes and my face hurt from crying and I was still mad and I went to sleep.

This morning I called the bank first thing and they were like, gurl, you crazy. All your monies are available, so weird. And I was like, um, ok, thanks I guess? Also WTF? But ok…

And I’m relieved, but still kind of pissed.

Good story, right?

So now I’m off to buy my books and get my swoll on at the gym (Imma be so jacked+tan, obviously). And maybe switch my bank too.

P.S. I found this this morning (thanks facebook) and it made me LOL:

off day

I’ve been in such a funk lately. First it was finals, and then it was coming off of finals, and maybe that’s still what it is. Nothingness after so much. And I don’t know what to do with myself. And I feel so unsure about so many things and it’s scary and it makes me not want to get out of bed. Ever. That’s why it’s after 11am and I’m still here, in bed (well, actually I got up to get some water and yogurt because I was SO thirsty).

So after waking up and laying here for while just feeling sorry for myself, I decided to get on the internet, for distraction purposes. Because the internet is the most wonderful distraction (twitter and facebook and blogs and news and now recently pinterest, which is kind of a b-word). And I stumbled across this:

nothing is what we want it to be, but everything is what we make it

And it’s so true. And right now exactly what I needed to hear. Or read. whatever.

So now I think it’s time to end my pity party and get out of bed and take a shower and go for a bundled up walk (because holy F it’s cold outside). I will walk to Zoka to see friends (who are still studying for finals – bummer for you guys) and pawn off cookies on them (because we baked last night, me and my favorites from law school, and those skinny friends of mine wouldn’t take any cookies. SO now I’m going to force ALL the cookies on them, because no one can turn down some finals binge cookie eating). And then maybe walk to Greenlake with warm coffee. And it will be good. Exercise and fresh air and seeing things from a view other than my bed (even though my heat blanket is here, and I love my heat blanket, and there are good things on the walls in my room. It will all be here when I get back).

I don’t mean to sound all emo, friends, and I’m not trying to drag you into my pity party, I promise you that. But, I do think most of you can relate (especially if you’re a girl with SO MANY FEELINGZ). But really, it’s just that time of the year (especially when you live in Seattle and it’s rainy and SO dark all the time). And we all have our off days. So now I’m going to attempt to remedy my off day, because everything is what we make it.

XXOO

one of THOSE days

Yesterday was an emotional breakdown kind of day. I started tearing up in class. Feeling inadequate once again. Feeling like everyone was smarter than me. Feeling like I shouldn't have been there, like I didn't enjoy it, any of it. Feeling like it was just too hard. It's too boring. It's too awful. I had one of those days yesterday where I legitimately wanted to drop out of law school and enroll in beauty school instead. I'm good at making people look cute. I'm good at doing hair. I could do that for a living, right? Screw law school. Because, like I said, that ish is TOO HARD!

But then, today, I woke up and things were just a little bit better. I realized that I'm smarter than lots of people. Maybe not people in law school, but people in general. I realized that at least I have a well-rounded life. I have friends. I'm not just school. I also woke up and realized that someone very special will be back tomorrow. And this morning I remembered that all the debt will work itself out. I realized that things like this always work themselves out. They have to, right?

This isn't to say that I still don't have "I hate this" moments. Like this morning in Real Estate when he was talking for an hour and a half about, really, I have no idea what he was talking about. And I realized that I was paying $122 to sit there and listen to him talk about confusing nothingness. Talk about frustration. Because that's how I was feeling. Poor (in more ways than one) and unintelligent and frustrated.

But then I looked to my right and there were two of my favorite people in school. And one more favorite sitting in front of me. And I realized that I'm not the only one who was confused in that moment. They weree too. Everyone sitting there in Real Estate in that moment was in a similar boat. All floating together. Hanging on for dear life. But maybe I'm luckier than most people because I remembered that later I get to get off my boat go to dinner at Skillet with those three awesome friendz. And I get to vent about life. And I will feel better. Because when law school sucks I can remember that at least I still have friends. And things like that are important. And also did I mention that someone very amazing comes back to me tomorrow? That is also most important. And most exciting. For me, anyway.

So for now, I'm happy that my emotional, breakdown in class, type of day is over. At least temporarily. And in the meantime I will listen to this song, which I forgot about until this morning. Thank you, Pandora for reminding me.