Guys, I’m having the emo-ist day.
It’s 1:30pm and I’ve only left my room once today, to go to the restroom and to get water and yogurt+flax. Which made my stomach hurt. I’m probably never going to eat again. It seems like I can’t eat anything without feeling crappy after, it’s so obnoxious. And I’m so dramatic. At least not eating = losing law school weight, right?
Earlier I read this post and the comments and died a little. So good.
And last night I laid in bed with my laptop and watched the episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler propose to each other and I cried sobbed. I want that. Ahh if only my life were a TV show, right? Don’t we all think that sometimes? I woke up this morning still thinking about it. Then I felt guilty for not being happy for the happiness I have in my life.
I’ve decided that I need to take the things and the experiences and the people in my life for what they are and not what I wish they were. I should really see the happiness in what I have, because really, it’s pretty good. But it’s so hard sometimes, you know? Especially at times when everyone else’s life seems so perfect and happy. I guess that’s what you get when you watch too much TV and read too many blogs and don’t have a job or school to keep you feeling like you’re doing good things. And instead you sit in your room all day and think emo thoughts.
And to add some more complaining, I really don’t want to go back to school on Monday. I’d rather do just about anything that start another semester of law school. I mean, really, I should be happy that I only have one semester left. But it’s winter. In Seattle. And school is really stressful and sometimes terrible (I know I sound like a giant complainer, but law school friends, I know you’ve felt this way at least once during your experience). I hate the way I feel during law school. It’s the worst I have ever felt, ever. And I’m dreading feeling that way again. So much so that it’s almost making me feel that way now. See, so emo. Gah!
I’m hoping that hanging out with my law school friends tonight will make things better. It’s Lisa’s birthday and the NBAC (+ a few others) is going to Kell’s - which I love – mostly because we always get crazy at Kell’s. But I’m not sure I want to drink tonight. So, I don’t know how I’m going to feel about a super crowded downtown bar super sober (but hopefully not super emo).
I need to snap the F out of this. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. Walks are good. And then maybe I’ll take a shower and do my hair and makeup and things (for the first time in days – so not like me, right?). I don’t know about you, but when I feel like I look good I usually feel more confident and that can sometimes make my day happier. Looking good = feeling good. Maybe that’s shallow, but I think it can definitely be true.
Also I’m sorry for the most complainey blog post ever. I hope none of you un-follow or hate me for this. I promise my next one will be happier. Like this (which happens to have been at Kell’s):
3 comments:
I'm not a hugger...but if I were in Seattle I would so give you a hug. I'm also envious of the lack of appetite--if you'd like to send that my way, feel free. Feel Better :) oxo
Everyone has days when they feel off, so don't feel bad about complaining. Taking a walk to clear your head, then seeing some friends; those should help a lot. Don't worry...I'll still be following your blog! :)
Oh, I hate that you are feeling down. It happens, but I hope you are feeling better. If I lived there, we would be wining and dancing to The Backstreet Boys. Just put your turband on and some eyeliner. : )
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