(warning: this post gets a little serious -
things just got REAL in my blog world haha)
I was just doing my Dispute Resolution reading in preparation for tomorrow’s class, and in the midst of my reading, I came across this:
“Research suggests that lawyers are less interested in people, in emotions, and interpersonal concerns than others. In fact, the research suggests that humanistic, people-oriented individuals do not fare well, psychologically or academically, in law school or in the legal profession.” – Dispute Resolution and the Law, Fourth Edition.
I’m pretty sure I’m the “humanistic, people-oriented” type of person, if I had to pick one. I’m also pretty sure that’s why I’m not a superawesome law student. I mean, I’m superawesome in general (obviously), but maybe not superawesome at law school (as evidenced by my less than perfect grades and by the law school, Seattle winter sadness I feel, and my love of wine)? And I’m sort of alright with that. Or at least I was.
I think I’ve been alright with the whole “I was happier and smarter (well maybe not smarter, but smarter as relative to my peers, and smarter because I got better grades) before law school” thing, because I figured that once I became an attorney I would be happier and I would be good at my law niche and lots of good, life goal-type-things would finally happen for me. And also, I figured the experience, the three years, it would make me a better, stronger, smarter person. I have been living under the assumption that I would be happier after law school. I’m not sure why.
But then, in the midst of my law school homework, all of my future hopes and dreams got flushed down the proverbial toilette. I’m not going to lie, it has always been a fear in the back of my head, that I’m doing this whole law school thing for nothing. That I’m burying myself under a mountain of debt for nothing except unhappiness and the knowledge that I really don’t want to be a lawyer, so I can cross that job off my list.
But I keep re-assuring myself and justifying my decision to go to law school by telling myself: education is never a bad thing, no one can take your JD away from you after you graduate. Recently, I have also been questioning whether or not that is completely true. Maybe accruing a mound of debt to know that you don’t want to be in a certain profession isn’t a good thing. Maybe I would have been better off going down a different road? Getting a different type of graduate degree, perhaps.
The quote above, it also got me thinking: maybe people who don’t thrive in law school aren’t meant to be lawyers?
But then does that mean that all of my closest law school friends and I are going to be miserable, awful lawyers? I doubt it. I might be, and maybe one or two of them may also be bad at the profession, but I believe that a few of them will be really passionate, amazing lawyers despite being depressed or not getting all As in law school (go friends!).
The whole 3 year experience has definitely changed me. A lot. And I’m not sure if it has been good, or if it has been an overall negative change. I think about this a lot, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to know completely until after I’m out. After I’ve put some space between my life and the experience I’m going through now.
So, for now, I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping that (a) I will get a job I actually enjoy after law school, (b) I will be happy after law school, and (c) that this whole law school thing wasn’t for nothing.
And while living in a trailer on an Indian reservation all last summer really sucked (like, worst. thing. ever. status), I genuinely enjoyed the estate planning, working with the native population type work I did (when I had work to do, that is). I can definitely see myself starting off my legal career doing something like that and enjoying it (well similar in work, not similar in location, obviously). So who knows, maybe there is hope for grown-up-lawyer-Rebeka after all? I’ll try and be optimistic about the possibility of it all.
But maybe those things won’t happen and I’ll end up DJing my life away at Jack’s? Or doing people’s hair? The future is an exciting thing. But sometimes thinking about it gets the best of me, because the future is really scary too.
So, for now I’m just hoping that I made the right decision in going to law school. I’m hoping that I will always find happiness in all parts of my life. That neither my school choice nor my profession will take away all of my happiness. That I will be good at my some-day-grown-up-job. And I’m hoping that law school doesn’t take the “humanistic, people-oriented” side of me away, or even make me think that being that way is a bad thing. Because it’s not. And I’m superawesome just the way I am (duh).
5 comments:
There are a lot of times that I wish I lived in Seattle, mostly because then we could party together. But, now I want to be in Seattle so we could talk about this because we could seriously have like, a multiple coffee date sessions on this topic.
I think that textbook quote is interesting, and it kind of makes sense. When you look around your classroom, you probably see a lot of people who are douchey (sorry to generalize - but it happens) or not super caring. I do think that sometimes those personalities dominate in law school. I would identify as a people-person (like you) and maybe we don't get the best grades. But, you know what? We'll get clients, and our clients will like us because we're nice. When you think about it, clients who do estate planning or family law would probably prefer attorneys who are friendly and put them at ease, rather than attorneys who substitutes firmness for emotion. So, at least there's that.
And, I am TOTALLY with you on deciding whether or not law school is worth it. But, I think we've all been there. The reality is this: You're almost done. And, it'll probably take you a little while for you to find your niche, but that's the way it is for most people. You're right - nobody can take your JD away from you. It's taught you a whole new skill set that will make you attractive to employers, and not just legal employers. You're young and smart and you will find your way!!
I love you! I can't hug you, but tell Dustin that I owe you one and he needs to give you a hug in my place.
(Okaayyyy, Dustin? Can you do this for me? Thanks!!!) : )
xoxoxo
Don't worry about questioning your career path - I think we all do every now and again. Hell, I wonder every now and then if I should have followed through on law school right after my undergrad instead of jumping right into the workforce like I did. But I try not to think about it too much, because it's not like I can change it now, and there's no way I want to go back for another couple years of school. :)
Breathe, have another drink. You'll be fine.
I can definitely relate to this post. Honestly, I think most law students can at one point or another. I think part of the problem is that law school is portrayed so poorly in the media as a pointless, ultra-expensive, soul sucking, debt-creating endeavor when that is not always the case. And I definitely don't believe people-oriented lawyers will not do as well. From my limited experience at various law firms I've found that having good people skills is key! I mean, maybe not for transactional work or whatever, but who wants to do that kind of boring stuff anyways? ;)
My point is that you are awesome and you will succeed in so many ways after law school!!!
I agree with Emma. There are too many douchey, asshole lawyers in the world and we need more genuine, caring, FUN (read:has a personality/soul) people like you in this field. I mean, Elle Woods was not your typical lawyer type but she was AWESOME! and girly and fun and caring and successful. Like YOU! (k, just FYI, comparing you to Elle Woods is a total compliment because I EFFING LOVE that movie. who cares if it's Hollywood...)
I firmly believe that because you are as dedicated as you are (and you are dedicated whether or not you're at the top of you class or not. the grading system is stupid.), karma with reward you (or baby jesus. or the universe. or who/whatever.) and you WILL be successful at whatever you do.
And the debt part is shitty but it's also a part of life anytime you chose education over a lesser career path (k, not that any career besides law is lesser but you know what I mean). The debt won't control you if you don't let it. Don't let it weigh you down but instead see it as a reminder of all your experiences from the last three years.
And doubting and questioning is good because it helps defines what we don't and do want out of our future. I think especially at a time like this when you're so close to the finish line it's easy to look back and see things in hindsight and think maybe you should have ran a different path. But the reality is, this is the path you're on now, so might as well finish the race strong.
Everything we do is preparing us for something else, whether we realize it or not. I saw this really cool fortune cookie saying (on Instagram, yay ;) that said nothing is a waste as long as you learn something. And you're totally learning stuff! About laws and stuff (duh) but also about yourself. Maybe you feel differently then when you first started but I don't think that's a bad thing. You just have a clearer picture of who you are as a person and who you want to be.
And my dear bestie, that person (REBEKA THE MOTHERFUCKING BEAR) is awesome. I love her very much and I'm so glad a superlameass boy brought us together as friends, ha! It was fate.
And also know that you are totally inspiring and I finally signed up for classes mainly based on your encouragement when I voiced similar concerns about whether to keep going on the path I'd chosen. You're going to do great.
And I will love you even if you end up being a cosmetologist OR even a DJ. At Jacks. Oh you KNOW I will love you then! You can move in with me and we'll become a DJ team, like the next Daft Punk. Daft Punk meets David Guetta meets Lady Gaga. It'll be fricking fantastic.
There are plenty of things you can do in the legal world using your humanistic/people-oriented (HPO) traits! I practiced divorce law for six years and I am absolutely a HPO type! As another poster said, family law is a great area for someone who has that kind of outlook. Mediation is another good place for an HPO type.
Also, it's not the worst thing in the world if you find law isn't for you and you want to change your career path. I got my M.A. in Counseling Psychology in 2011 and I am turning my career toward being a therapist now. What I learned practicing law will be invaluable for that profession.
I promise you that you will find someplace that fits your personality in the legal world and if you get tired of that, there are many other paths to take. Forgive my cliche here, but the world is your oyster! Collect your pearls :)
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