Inspirational & Motivational Posters

So I think the finals stress has fully set it (see: stress eating chicken strips and tots with Lisa and Brittan b/c I am a bottomless pit of hunger, crying for no reason tonight, studying ALL day and until almost midnight and still not feeling like it's enough, hating driving anywhere and feeling extremely stressed when I have to drive to school to print my outline, etc but I think you get the point). Also I'm feeling severe back pain b/c I've been neglecting my therapy massages (I never thought I'd say this, but Josh I need your tender, magic handssss - so creepy on so many levels, but that's a story for another day - I promise).

I think all of this together is making me really hard to deal with. Tonight I freaked out because of the move I'm about to make (if you didn't already know, this summer I'll be moving 5+ hours away from Seattle to an Indian reservation in BFE Oregon - more specifically a trailer park on an Indian reservation in BFE Oregon- because I'm going to be doing some estate planning work there for the Umatilla Indian people. Real lawyer stuff, guys!!). I'm so scared and nervous that I'm going to be lonely and it's going to be awful. But I think that I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this as an investment in my future - which is going to be awesome, you're jealous of my future, don't lie! I need to remember this not just about the move/new job, but law school in general.

Yesterday I got really upset. I was feeling like I give and give and give to school but I get nothing back. My grades aren't usually as good as I'd like (stupid extremely low curve at SU law, and just stupid curve in general), I don't feel like myself a lot of the time, and I'm not seeing any tangible return on my hard work. Getting nothing back but a letter printed on the computer screen for all that time and stress and hard work (harder than I've ever worked) somehow doesn't feel good enough. It's often a let down in more ways than one. After my final last Wednesday, Kyle said to me as we were walking outside: "look on the bright side, it's just law school." and I thought, yeah but it's also my wellbeing and livelihood and happiness being crushed under an enormous pile of debt and stress!

Sometimes it's hard to remember that I'm doing this as an investment in me. In my future. All my hard work and craziness is making me a better, stronger, smarter person. And when I get through this, I'm going to be a lawyer. At 25 years old. And that is going to be amazing - an awesome accomplishment that I will be truly proud of. Graduation is only a year + a week away from now, and it cannot come soon enough. I can't wait to come out a better version of my old self on the other side of this whole law school experience. And in the mean time, I need to remember that "I'm doing this for me!"

So that is my motto for the night. And for the days ahead - this summer and beyond. I offer it to you too, fellow law school friends. Maybe it will help you through your craziness to remember that too.

But I do guarantee you that in two weeks I won't even remember this, and I'll think law school is the most awesome thing ever because I've blocked out the horribleness of finals like a new mother blocks out the child birth experience. And then it will be on to worrying something else (hopefully something more mundane, like boys and clothes haha). But this is what's getting me through now. I even made myself a little note and put it on my desk, I WOULD. It's the closest thing to an inspirational poster that used to be in Mrs. Taylor's high school math class that I could come up with on such short notice.

Anyway, this post feels weirdly like a Professional Responsibility feelings journal assignment. So with that, I'm dunzo for the night.